Killing Time

I'm getting pissed off with this blog! Or rather, i'm getting pissed off with myself. Why the hell, is it not showing my title... pwede ba? somebody teach me how to work with this fucking thing! All i can do is post and post and post which nobody reads naman! ano ba?!

Well, etoh ako sa pc shop, and well, as my title imply (which you cannot see DAMN IT!!!) i am killing time...

Well, i don't have acell and i don't have a social connection... it's hard for me because i brought myself up as a very attached-to-friend person and now that i decided to be my old self, i am having a hard time... Damn it!!!

I'm controlling myself not get so bored in our house not talking to anyone except my family... So what i do is study (daw, which i don't really) or rather red a novel (FOLLY) or write in my diary or journal... Oo nga pala... i decided to continue writing a journal... i almost occupied the whole lesson plan thing and i am assuming that i will completly write on the whole thing later for my last entry... And i will buy a new one tomorrow!!! WOHOO!

But i'm quite sad that no one gets to read it regularly. i guess i will oblige one of my classmates to do it... i'm thinking of James actually... since he is the first and only one who knows my darkest secret... and about the "m" thing... i think... how very unfortunate man, right?

Class again tomorrow and i hope that i get to continue being a mute, selfish and cares-about-no-one-but-himself me... Sorry guyz... It's just that i get tired of being so happy... It's weird but its true... I'm really sorry for those who will miss the clown me but i guess you won't see him for a long while...

that's it i think...

thanks for reading...

Trinity... LIVE!

Hi...

Well, this is the first time that I'm writing my blog directly at blogger... Usually i do this by typing it on Word then copy pasting it on blogger... So I think that explains the title...

Pre-Lims week had pass and I actually have some of my test results already. Well, I guess I could share them with you. Not really bad actually... Here they are:

Math: 50/50 (Woohoo!!!)
English: 48/55 (which is equivalent to 1.5... Damn!!!)
Filipino: 46/50 (Honestly, I expected higher!!! Aaaargghh!!!)
Sociology: 85% (only??!! really. I thought I did better than that! Waaahh!!!)

I'm a little emotional right now... (well, kailan ba hindi... haay...) I don't feel comfortable here at TCQC... It's like I don't belong. Just this very morning, I suddenly decided to be very silent. I hope my classmates will notice. Fuck them if they don't! Fuck them hard!!!

I don't know why I did that, really. I think I decided that I'm tired of being the class entertainer or clown or whatever. Basta... From now on, I will be the wild freshman who turned mute in TCQC. This is what I think I am anyway. So better live it up.

I hope my close friends (or the ones I assume are my close friends) will get to read this and start giving me attention because I am getting very annoyed! I am a man who hates to be insignificant!!! Or feeling insignificant for that matter. How could people be very insensitive!!! I hate them!!!

Well, I don't think there is any point on writing longer blog because people kept on saying my blog is too long. And for all i know, they just visit my blog to write stupid things on the damned Tag Board!!!

OK. That's it... Thank you for writing on the cursed, stupid, rotten and damned Tag Board!!!

SUICIDE!!!

Here's a picture of the teddy bear Ramch gave me last
Christmas. I named it Teddy Ramch. I thought of hangig
it one time when I got pissed off of him (you see, this is not the first time) but then we were ok again. But I loved the idea so I still hanged the poor teddy. It's quite cool actually... :)

WHATEVER! RIGHT!?!

Hello!

I just finished my breakfast and took my medicine.

I don’t feel very happy today. I was woken up by my mother shouting: “Moses! Natutulog tulog ka pa diyan! Anong oras na! Alam mong may iinumin ka pang gamut nakahilta ka pa din diyan! Ito naman! Kailangan pang gisingin! ‘Di niyo alam alagaan sarili niyo! Kabikabila na nagkakasakit. Angmahal magpagamot ngayon. Pano pa pagnagkasakit ka? PANO PA AKO!?!”

My eyes flew open at the “natutulog ka pa diyan” part. I know she’s right but does she really have to do all that shouting? My siblings often tell me: “’Di ka pa ba nasasanay diyan kay Mama? Ganyan talaga yan e…” Well, kahit kalian siguro ‘di na ako masasanay kasi kung masasanay ako eh di sana dati pa. Eh hindi eh… Hay nako…

Then while eating, she started talking again, saying: “Sabi ko sayo baunin mo yung gamut mo, hindi mo binaon. Pa’no masusunod yung dosage na 3 times a day. Kung di mo gagawin yun di tatalab yan.” I know it sounds good when you’re reading it. It sounds full of care and, maybe, love but when you here it too loud, all the love and the care are stripped off from it.

Then she saw my facial expression and again said (by said, I mean shouted): “Ikaw na nga ‘tong tinutulungan ikaw pa tong may ganang magalit. Sumisimasimangot ka pa diyan. PASASALAMAT KA NGA MAY NAGAALALA PA SA ‘YO EH!”
Again, she’s right… too right…

By the way, when she said “kabikabila na nagkakasakit” she is most probably referring to Uncle Roberto, who has cancer to god know where, Uncle Baby, who has a lot of illnesses (diabetes, kidney disorder, TB and lung disorder to name a few) and my niece, Nicole Chelsey or Chelsy Nicole (whatever!) who was recently discovered to have asthma.

I head my Aunt Mad (short for Madelyn) once say (this morning, I think) that “uso sa side ng Mama ninyo na magaksakit ng kung anu ano kaya magingat kayo.” Well for some odd reason I feel I’m safe from the hereditary illness thing. You know why. Well if you don’t, use some of your senses (common sense is most preferable).

But actually, those are not the things that I really want to pose today.

OK. Ramch won. Woohhoo… FUCK HIM!!! Most preferably at the back!!!

OK wait. I’m being carried away too early. Let me tell you about things. AT MY POINT OF VIEW so any reaction is not really needed here! Just read!

Ramch, one day, announced that he ran for batch rep of JPIA thing. So obviously, being his bestfriend (as I long been assuming), I’m happy for him. So, I told him all the encouragement and gave him all the support that I can give. I even told him something too self degrading that I now learned a lesson from: Do not degrade yourself to the benefit of other people. Well, I told him: “Kaya mo ‘yan! Kaw pa! Isipin mo na lang na magagawa mo ang ‘di ko nagawa…”

Although its sounds senseless to you, it means a lot to me. I’m a competitive type of person so it’s so hard to say something that generally implies defeat or at least something that implies inferiority. Well, he did no care.

But that’s not what I’m being angry about.

Yesterday, he had his miting de avance (is that how it is spelled? I don’t really care!) and they also had their election and also had their vote counting (is that the term? I don’t really care!).

OK. The bottom line is he won. But he told me that by making me feel stupid.

He texted me yesterday some thing like: “Francis tae talaga… tae!” so I replied “Ano ang tae?” of course thinking that he lost. The he replied: “wala… siguro masyado lang akong nageexpect…” and I said “ano? Natalo ka? Ano ba?” then he replied “kailangan ko pa bang sabihin yon”

And so with that, I summoned all sympathetic and empathic side of me that I can conjure (I’m trying hard to sound Harry Potterish). And for me, that is so hard. And stupid. So I texted him something like: “Ano? ok ka naman? Siyempre oo di ba? Di ka naman nagpapaapekto sa mga ganyan ganyan lang di ba?”

Then he replied: “[U]lol! Nanalo ako! Ikaw una ko binalitaan niyan. Nagsinungaling pa ako sa klasmeyt ko.”

I guess he thinks that I’m happy for what he did. Well, I was happy that he did that but the thing that he did make me feel stupid is overwhelming. But trying hard to control my emotion, I replied: “Talaga?! Saya ako para sa’yo! But you have no idea how stupid you made me feel. Pero ung filing na masaya ako para sayo ay mas nangingibabaw (or something like that).” Being said that, I thought I would already be all right. Actually I am going to be already if he did not reply this: “Alam ko! Ayaw ko kasi na nageexpect kayo eh”

Ok. So he had all the intention to make me feel stupid. Damn him!

Then I replied: “Ah… Kaya pinagmumukha mo kaming tanga… Congrats uli ha…”

Kung alam niya lang na kumukulo dugo sa MRT habang tine txt ko ‘yun sa kanya. Well, sabi ko dati pa, manhid siya eh... Akalain mo ba namana magreply pa ng: “Tama ‘yun! Salamat ha…”

Although I was so pissed off, I still had the sense to reply (NONSENSE!!!) “… … ok…”

Then that’s it…

I hope he had fun making me feel stupid…

PICS...

To accompany my first entry is a picture of me doing a sand print saying “Suzy (heart) Francis” at Boracay beach… The other one is an Adobe enhanced (or worsened) version… Thanks again for reading!

First Entry!!!

Hello!

Thanks for visiting and finding time to read my blog. I can’t really assure you that you’re going to enjoy this online journal of mine but I can tell you that it won’t be an ordinary one.

Ok, so this is my very first entry. You’re lucky (or unlucky? maybe…) that you’re one of the few people (about 697 entities – both normal and not… joke... the joke was the number of entities not the “normal and not” ok? So, where do you belong?) that had the unfortunate chance of reading my blog. You’re reading this blog either I told you to or somebody link this blog to somebody else’s and you mistakenly clicked it or you simply had nothing to do. In any case, thank you for reading it.

Just for the record, you will not read anything romantic or entries full of morals and lessons (which are the same) or something that you will learn anything from. This blog is all about me. All about my adventures and misadventures just like what the name of this blog implies. You won’t read “makabagbag damdaming” entries like that of my Besty, Ramch or of that of my Beshy, Abdul.

So, enough of too much inappropriate introductions. I know by now, your too bored to continue reading and waiting for something interesting. I’m sorry to disappoint you but I don’t have anything interesting to write. None yet, at least. But I will still continue to write as long as I am in the mood for typing.

OK, I’m writing this senseless entry while listening to Kelly Clarkson songs. She became quite a favorite of mine. She’s currently singing “Because You”… I can relate to almost every song that she have. Specially the song “where is your heart” which is playing right now. Here’s why:

I know that you're true to me

You're always thereYou say you care

I know that you wanna be mine

Where is your heart?

Cause I don't really feel youWhere is your heart?

What I really want is to believe you

Is it so hard to give me what I need?

I want your heart to bleedThat’s all I'm asking for

Hey I’m going to write something that I know I will later regret. Oh my God! So why the hell am I going to write it?!

Ok, I currently have a girlfriend. Her name is Suzy Christine Alba. She’s currently studying at La Salle while I’m at Trinity College. I knew I like her the moment I saw her. Well, I first (and last!) saw her at her former school St. Benedict/San Beda Alabang when I attended the YFC thing. One of my bestfriends, Abdul, studied there so he knew quite a lot of people and he, naturally, talked to them and I let myself be tagged along by him. So at one point, I saw Suzy.

She was (and I hope, still) beautiful. So after that YFC thing I asked Abdul for Suzy’s number. I did not have her number until after 3 months. Abdul only had her number after that long. I texted her the moment I had her number. She was currently attending her CAT grad at that time. So, something something then I told her I like her.

So, without seeing each other, I courted her and at one point he texted: “Luv ya dude”. I thought at that point that “kame na.” I thought that if two people exchange I love you’s to each other means they are boyfriends and girlfriends already. I was taught that that is not the case. Abdul and Ramch said by the way. So ok.

Then March 26, while exchanging sweet nothings to each other, she texted something like “mabait akong girlfriend eh” to me. Of course my reaction was “What the – ?! Talaga!?!” So March 26, a Black Saturday we are officially in a relationship.

And believe it or not, we never had seen each other since we first met. January 8 to July 17 is quite along time you know.

So what am I saying here? Nothing!

No, I mean, after 3 monthsaries passed, after all these time, we never tried to see each other. No, we tried but we never did actually see other. That’s all right with me but I just think that it’s not natural. Especially because she does not even demand that we see each other. Ok let me get it straight, she doesn’t seem to love me, I don’t feel any love in this thing we call relationship.

I tried to talk about it with her a couple of times (obviously through text) and asked her about what she thinks about what we have right now. Well, she said that she’s ok with it. What I’m saying is what kind of a lady would like a relationship like what we have. Honestly, if I’m a girl, I wouldn’t like a relationship like this. I would beak it up. That’s exactly what I want to do right now. I just feel, and I know, that it is not real. There is no love. If only I knew it would turn out as it turned out, I wouldn’t have tried to court her in the first place.

But who knows, maybe something good will come up out of this. I really hope something will… And I hope I can do something about this soon. I hope this will not come to the point that I will have to decide to break it up with her. Although I know I already have to, I don’t like to, really.

I mean, there are some relationships that started out pretty good and yet ended up quite bad. I don’t have to name people but they are the ones who once have relationships that I envy so much but now ended up quite sadly. It seems that the only thing that I can see positively in Suzy and my relationship is that there can’t be any worse than what we already have. Wala nang ilalala pa…

I think that’s it for now…

Thanks again for reading!