my stomach!!!

God! I feel so sick!!!

I hate this...

I want to have my anal activity so bad...

I want to throw up!

Fuck!

I hate this sick feeling...

I think I need to go to the C.R. ... FAST!!!

So why the hell am I typing all this?

Well, because I don't have a choice!!! I'm in TCQC lab right now and I don't want to shit in the school's CR...

So I guess I'll go home now...

May overnight kame mamaya kela Bienz...

It should be fun...

I know it will be...

Gagawa kame ng cheerdance...

Girls versus Boys...

This would be really really fun...

May inuman daw mamaya... Iinom kaya ako? Sana... I think...

Mariah on the background right now...

I love you Kath...

Gagawa pa ako sa STS...

Magpapapicture si Kath mamaya...

Sasamanhan ko siya...

Sana magpapicture din kameng dalawa...

Haay...

I love her so so so much...

So so so much...

I LOVE YOU!!!

Pahabol...

May overnight kame mamaya kela Bienz...

It should be fun...

I know it will be...

Gagawa kame ng cheerdance...

Girls versus Boys...

This would be really really fun...

May inuman daw mamaya... Iinom kaya ako? Sana... I think...

Mariah on the background right now...

I love you Kath...

Gagawa pa ako sa STS...

Magpapapicture si Kath mamaya...

Sasamanhan ko siya...

Sana magpapicture din kameng dalawa...

Haay...

I love her so so so much...

Happy...

I was with Kath a while ago...

We ate at Jollibee... So fun...

Was really happy...

I missed Justine's Birthday... So sad...

Sorry I missed it Justine...

Miss my Berclimmicks friends... Especially Ramch...

He don't know anything about me anymore...

So sad...

He doesn't know that I love Kath so much... Yes, more than the way I loved Chiqui...

And he doesn't know that I'm courting her... As in giving her a card every week...

He doesn't know that I bought a not so big teddy bear for her... And that i bought other gifts too... And I plan to coninue giving her gifts...

And the worst part is...

I don't know about a thing in his life anymore...

Very very very sad...

Kath... I wish you knew

That i love you...

I love you so so sooo much....

I love like no other woman... Like no other human alive...

I love you so much that I will do anything for you... (as long as it is reasonable and logical of course...

I really really love you....

I'm sure... Really, really sure that this is love... Really sure...

I love you so much!!!

I wish you will see that...

Please....

Kath... I wish you knew

This is the day...

Hi....

STS namen...

and yet and2 ako...

Binigay ko na kay KATH...

Natuwa siya... At siyempre dahil don, natuwa din ako...

Ayun...

Ang saya...

GRABE!!!!

Ang saya ko!!!

WOW first time to...

Grabe...

KATH!!! I LOVE YOU!!!

It's been quite a while

Sounds like a song ba?

Hehe...

Ang dami ng nangyayari sa aken... Wala lang...

Break up namen ni Suzy...

Si Kath...

Si Kath...

Si Kath...

At si Kath...

And the Atenean guy...

Ayun...

Haay...

B-day daw ni Justine... 23... hindi na namn ako makakapunta... malamang... haay...

Patay na uncle ko... Nakaburol siya sa Funenaria Paz ngaun...

Haay...

Andito sa Manila si Ate Christian... After a long time may communication na uli kame... haay...

Si Jako nag post ng bagong entry sa blog niya sa friendster... Parang yung unang entry ko din... haay...

Wala akong magawa... haay...

Hindi ako masaya ngaun... Pakiramdam ko na naman wala akong kwentang tao... Heto na naman ako... Pakiramdam ko wala na namang nagmamahal sa akin... Heto na naman ako... haay...

Aalis na kame dito... walang kwenta tong post na to... haay...

Woohoo!!! New Month!!!

Ewan ko kung ano ang meron sa month na 'to but I think it would be special... I don't know why... I just feel na may mangyayari sa buhay ko... Something significant... Something memorable... Maybe even Romantic... haay...

Good luck na lang sa akin di ba?

Anyway, alam ko na yung ibang mid term grades ko sa ilang mga subjects... Not very high... Especially that damn Sociology! Damn talaga! Damn! Anyway... As a nursing student sa Trinity, one must have an average of 2 sa finals... But that is not my goal... I'm trying to go for the dean's list... My Mama hopes and so do I... I don't think I can do it... Anyway, here are my grades so far...

Intro to Sociology and tnthropology: 2

Filipino: 1.75
Math: 1.5

English: 1.0

Ang taray nung English noh? Ahehe.. Wala naman kasing kwentang subject yan e... Muntik pa nga akong mag .75... No kidding!!! Long story... Anyway, sana maayos din yung ibang grades ko sa ibang subject... Wish me luck naman upon reading this... No, I mean now na... Go! Wish me luck!!! ...ok... thanks... :)

That's it for now, I think... by the way, tomorrow is Jako and Ruth's first monthsary... We will go with him later looking for a gift for her very precious, first girlfriend ever... Wish him luck too... I think he needs it... Ahehe...

Ok, that's it...

Thanks for reading!!!

:)

I'm Very Happy... How Sad...

Ang tagal na din na 'di ako nag po-post pero di naman sing tagal ng iba dyan na di na talaga nag po-post no!

Ahehe...

Ala lng...

So anyway... Meron na kong bagong buhay dito sa Trinity and I hate to admit that I am enjoying it too much... Too much that I don't miss my old friends anymore... And I hate it... I don't care if Berclimmicks no longer notices me anymoree... Unlike noon na kapag 'di ako napapansin nagngingitngit ako sa galit... Now ako na 'yung nakakalimot...

Naman kasi eh... Minsan sinisisi ko yung ibang tao, yung mga tinuring kong pinaka close na kaibigan, klung bakit wala na akong pake sa Berclimmicks... Yung original, true, Berclimmicks... Whatever happened to "Walang magkakalimutan"? Whatever happened to "Berclimmicks lives forever"? It is really sad...

Sinisisi ko sila kasi dati pakiramdam ko hindi ako importante... Na hindi ako mahalaga... Na insignificant ako... Pero alam kong hindi totoo 'yon... Kaya naman galit ako sa sarili ko dahil naninisi pa ako ng ibang tao kung bakit hindi ko namimiss ang berclimmicks... Samantalang yung ibang tao halos laging sinasabi n miss na nila ang berclimmicks...

Miss ko din naman ang Berclimmicks but, I think, not as much as other people do... Nakakaasar!!!

Basta... Miss ko n kayo...

Magparamdam kayo...

Jessie! Jepoy! Jet! Naman... please...

Berclimmicks lives forever... Sayang yung dinikit kong ganun sa pader ng kwarto ko... Naman!!!! :'c !!!

killing time.. with my beshy... perfect...

ok... i'm here at a pc shop not very far from our home (not very near neither)...

and well... i'm with my brother... he's doing some research ang i'm here, chatting...
with my beshy!!!

who just signed out... haay...

anyway... guess what we were chatting about... Jako...

Let me just copy then paste it here ok? I'll divide it to a few sections... ok? Here it is:

Academics...

abdul : sa introso
abdul : introduction to sociology
francis : socio and antrofrancis : may ganun din kame...
francis : francis : midterm p lng namen nxt wik
francis : patapos n kayu d b?>
francis : ...
francis : kaiinggit
abdul : yup
abdul :
francis : nako..

Abdul's visit planned

francis : ay!
francis : sabi ni kuya
francis : punta ka saw minsan sa bahay
francis : sino ang kilalang hapon?
abdul : huH?
BUZZ!!!
abdul : anoh?
francis : magpapaturo
francis : ata
abdul : ngek
abdul : onti lang alam ko sa nipponggo
francis : ng photoshopfrancis : gag
francis : gaga
abdul : ngek
abdul : kasi sabi mo "sino ang kilalang hapon"
abdul : ano ba ibig sabihin mo doon?
francis : wala un...
francis : ano
francis : punta ka ha
francis : ok?
francis : pag sem brake nyo na...
abdul : ngek
abdul : kelan?
abdul : okies
abdul : sige
francis : klan b sem brake?
abdul : sa sem break
francis : punta
francis : ka
francis : sa b day
francis : nya
abdul : sem break?
abdul : BREAK?
abdul : hmmmm...
abdul : ewan...
francis : aug. 16
abdul : mga...
francis : bday
abdul : ngek
francis : nya
abdul : noh k ba
francis : punta
francis : k
abdul : sem break namin is mga 29 pa
francis : wala n kyong psok nun d b?
francis : nye!!!
francis : basta punta ka!
francis : nag blog k p b?
abdul : may pasok po ako sa 16
abdul : leche ka
francis : ok
abdul : eh yan yung week before finals
francis : fyn
abdul : finals week namin is 22 to 26
francis : finingness
abdul :
abdul :

Coping up...

francis : uy7!
francis : may jowa n irlaloo
francis : si dan?
francis : girlaloo
francis : i miningness
abdul : may girlfriend na siya
abdul : tapos si patrick, meron na rin, pero nagbreak dinsila
francis : ngek!
abdul : tapos, si oman, wla pa rin, pero masgumaganda si kagandahang diyosa
francis : di ko man lng nalaman!
francis : ano p?
francis : ikaw?
francis : meyon n din?
abdul : tapos, si louie, loko loko pa rin
abdul : tapos si abdul, single as ever, pero dedicated celibate and virgin sanctuary professional
francis : uy...
francis : yuck!
francis : ahehe

Issues...

francis : ala lng...
abdul : hoy
francis : ano?
abdul : at least self-confessed and self-professed virgin ako noh
francis : hay nako!
francis : ako hindi na!
francis : alam mo b!
francis : lumalabas n yung bading issue ko!
abdul : ngek!?!
francis : pero katatawanan siya ngayon...
abdul : huh?
francis : ala lng...
abdul : ngek
abdul : wait
abdul : ano yun??
abdul : yung nde ka na virgin?
abdul : OWS?
abdul : TALAGAY!?!
francis : yung bakla daw ako...
francis : gagi joke lng...
francis : kaka anti prostate cancer lng
francis : hanggang APC
francis : lng ako...
francis : Anti Prostate Cancer
abdul : huh?
abdul : APC?
abdul : nagkaroon ka?
francis : hindi
francis : anti ng e...
francis : yun daw un e...
francis : kasi hindi nag e m ting kaya nagkakaganon d b?
francis : kaya ang new term ko
francis : sa "M" think ay
francis : anti prostate cancer
francis : thing*
abdul : OH!!!
abdul : so kapag nag M ka ng nag M, eh di magkakaprostate cancer ka?
francis : tama!
abdul : oh
abdul : okies
abdul : sana magka Prostate cancer si king
abdul :
francis : bakit?
francis : di ciya nag em?
abdul : M siya ng M
francis : nge!

So it's Jako...

francis : www.francismoses.blogspot.com
francis : see how desperate (?) i am
francis : with friends
abdul :
abdul : anyways
abdul : bkt ba nagappear yung issue un?
francis : wala lng
francis : kasi nagiging masayahin na naman ak
francis : o
francis : masyado...
francis : aun...
abdul : ngek
abdul : sa akin, nung first week pa lumabas yung issue
abdul : XD
abdul : XP
abdul : ngek
BUZZ!!!
abdul : ikaw naman kasi eh
abdul : wag mo nang pakialaman yung girlfriend ng ibang tao!!!
abdul :
BUZZ!!!
abdul : naku
abdul : ayan tuloy
francis : ahaha
abdul : pnagkakamalan kang bakla!!1
abdul :
francis : binabasa mo?
abdul : yup
abdul : hello
abdul : pinapabasa moh...
francis : gogo go!
francis : yung unang una basahin mo din
abdul : ay, hnde pla, kaya ko bnabasa ay dahil sa ibang rason...
francis : sa archives
francis : ahehe
abdul : de, joke...
abdul : wehehe
abdul :
francis : tungkol kay suzy yun e
francis : ala lng...
francis : punungpuno p din yan ng grammatical errors
francis : pero i tink
francis : nag improve
francis : kahit papaano
abdul : Jako Aficial appears to be offline and will receive your messages after signing in.
abdul: pro-Ruth-Jako ako
abdul: hayaan mo si Francis, wla lang yan magawa sa buhay niya
abdul:
francis : gaga
francis : aheheh
francis : abnormal ka
francis : kaya nga pla kita friend
francis : haay...
abdul :
abdul :
abdul : nde lahat naman kasi ng girlfriends ay masama
BUZZ!!!
francis : e dyosko!
francis : nka mor dan 46 n cya no!
francis : tama b yun?
abdul : ??????
abdul : ngek
abdul : hayaan mo
abdul : tao eh
abdul : syempre
abdul : hanap ng hanap ng lalake
abdul : haller
francis : normal b yun?
abdul : dba un ung life natin?
francis : nge!
francis : 46?!
francis : tas kawawa namn c jako d b?
francis : first nya un e...
francis : tas papalitan lng cya n parang basahan n bintao ng mga isda galing langit
abdul : preschool shits in the classroom, gradeschool bullying, highschool loser-stuffings, college breakdowns, jobless drug-use, has-work misfits, and then marriage
abdul : ay wait
abdul : mali
abdul : maglagay ka ng "find mate to mate with" between each thing
abdul : preschool shits in the classroom, find mate to mate with, gradeschool bullying, find mate to mate with, highschool loser-stuffings, find mate to mate with, college breakdowns, find mate to mate with, jobless drug-use, find mate to mate with, has-work misfits, find mate to mate with and then marriage, and still find mate to mate with
BUZZ!!!
francis : ano ba!
abdul : hayaan mo si ruth
abdul : kung maraming boyfriend eh di maraming boyfriend
abdul : so what>?
abdul : at least... she's still finding mate to mate with
abdul :
abdul : 46 boyfriends/girlfriends is normal in the dating scene
abdul :
abdul : so good luck
abdul : think about it
abdul : a girlfriend for jako is good naman, dba?
francis : ok...
francis : sabi ko nga...
abdul : at least give him his first chance...
abdul :
francis : let jako learn his lesson...
francis : kung meron man...
francis : na feeling ko meron...
francis : haay...
francis : kawawa naman...

The End

abdul : :
abdul :
abdul : cge
abdul : bye bye na
abdul :

ok... that was hard... And tiring...

i think that's enough for one entry... ahehe...

Have a nice, complete day... Mine was already...

Not enough emotion!!! Damn it!!!

Ok...

Jako is reading my blog right now and well... that's good...

I will still write the continuation of my "panghihimasok" entry but it won't be the same with the one I would have written 4 or 5 days ago... That would have been more emotional... More dramatic... More like me... But well, many people would be pleased if I will write it anyway including myself and of course Jako...

Ok... This is the reason (or so I think) why I seem to hate Ruth so much...

Ok... Like I said, I don't hate Ruth... It's just that I don't like her for Jako... This is Jako's first girlfriend and Jako is Ruth's 46th or even more... And like I said before, Jako is a friend and I don't want him to experience hurtful things... I don't want him to feel the pain the first love trauma (?) I felt with mine... I don't think Ruth would be a good girlfriend for Jako... And that thought keeps on getting stronger more and more... Jako thinks that I would change my stand as they go through their relationship but I don't... I find proofs (for myself) that his current girlfriend won't be a good girlfriend for him... Ok... I'll give examples (Ano 'to, lecture?)

First Ruth already had too many boyfriends... And it's not good... It's never good... I don't think she have been to any serious relationship and have no plans to getting into one... I have a feeling that she would make Jako's first time special...

Second proof... ruth don't believe in "courtship." Although Jako said that he do not believe in that too, I don't like women who thinks that if one loves someone it will happen and it will be seen instantly... Ruth is a livng, walking proof that it's not a good thing... Just imagine if you think you love someone in one glance... No, you don't need to imagine... Look at Ruth... maybe that's what happened... She thought that she loved sombody too much and ended up having relationship with too many men...

It's too harsh, I know, but that's how I think...

Then (this is Marinette's idea, not mine) Ruth has barkada and Jako too... And we (marinette, mostly) thinks that it's not a good idea... Because they will be diverted to their individual barkadas... It can be seen already... They are not as "sweet" as new bf's and gf's are suppose to be...

And finally, there are people like me who are unconsciously destroying their relationship... I don't intend to do it really... But that is how I think... sorry...

Well, at least they are happy, or so they say... I mean who would say they are not right? well, I sometimes do... with mine and suzy... ahehe...

Jako, I hope I will stand corrected... For once... I never am...

Hope you won't get hurt as badly as I had... I told you, you should have talked to your friends... to me... to us... Love is not only between two people in the said relationship... Love is a communal thing... Many will get affected... Many will notice... Many things will happen... Consciously and Unconsciously...

Well, Jako, I hope you would enjoy your first relationship... That I predict, I hope it won't be true, will be ver short...

Panghihimasok...

This is stupid...

My chest (or that part... whatever) is aching since yesterday night... About 10:00... Since the time I was informed that Jako and Ruth are "on" or whatever... Yes I know... It's none of my business, or so you think... Well I don't think so... I have all the business because as long as I am affected... As long as I think I am involved!

Ok... I know it is never good to just butt in anybody's life but the hell with those people who own the life... It's their fault that they gave me the chance to be a part of their lives!!! I know it's sounds stupid and irrational and senseless but that is how I feel!!! No! I'm not going to write through poems or antyhing!!! Why?!!!

Ok. Again, this is about Jako... Stop reading already... I know your not interested...

Thank you for still reading... At least I know four a true friend... O at least interested with my... well... irrationality... Here it goes...

Jako and Ruth... cla na... So? so... I don't feel right about it... I don't know why... Really... Well at least I some few theories about why I feel this way...

I think I care too much because Jako is a friend... Putang Ina! I consider him as my bestfriend!!! (I'm perspiring.. big time) And therefore I must care even though he don't want me to... Ok... WHY RUTH!!! JAKO!!!

Here's the thing, I never liked Ruth... Sorry... No, I don't despise her... I don't hate her... It's just that I don't feel comfortable with her... I was never warned... Jako!!! why???!!! You should at least have let me condition myself...

ok... ..

to be continued...

sorry guyz.

Gateway Adventures...

Ever handsome me... (Walang kokontra!!! blog ko to!!!)

Jako and me...

Jako and me... happier?...

Ruth and Lyrinne

...ang hirap i pose nung iba eh... ayaw... haay... sayang...

Gateway Adventure

Ok, here are the pics...

Me... having so much fun... or maybe too much...

me... again... i look better here, don't i?

From left: Trisha, Anne, Mary Grace, Ruth...

You go girl friends!!!

Berclimmicks TCQC four founders plus muse:

From left: Marinette (the muse... or mascot? joke!!!)

Jako, Jonathan, Miguel and me (holding the camera)...

Araneta Colliseum? ...we wish...

Ruth doing... mmm... the "stop! i love him!" pose...

Anne and Mary Grace... shy? I don't think so!!!

Ruth... again...

Controlling... Holding On...

I'm furious right now. With my subjects and teachers... More on the teachers actually... Ok, I just found out that I received a 66/100 on my PRELIM exam on STS as in Science, Technology and Society!!! My god! It's barely passing right?! And I think I am the highest in the cursed test!!! IMAGINE!!! FUCK!!!

Ok... I have a new set of pictures... I'll have it in a new entry... ok... you probably saw it already... FUCK!!!

Concerned? Jealous? ...Or just damn bored

hello!

Not in a very bad mood today... (HURRAH!) and yet, i'm troubled, but i don't know why... I guesse (?) because Jako (yes, Jako again) was not very happy for the last two days or just yesterday (i'm not sure, i am never) because of his fight (? - for the term, not the spelling) with Ruth. From my point of view, they are bestfriends which reminds me of Ramch even more... Having they're own bestfriend while I am considering them as mine... These two people are alike in more ways than one... For one thing, they both hate it when i kept on comparing them with each other...

Well anyway, I never knew what was the fight (?) all about. I think i will never... as always... and will forever be... i'm francis the insignificant remember (R-chi! I am the real one!!! ok? wag ka na... )... ok, enough... They are ok now... I ask Jako a while ago: "ano, ok n kayo?" and he nodded... I am not really sure what i was asking about but well, again, i will never know... They are both at the library right now actually while here i am typing this entry which, for all i know, nobody cared...

I trying my best to stop forcing myself to anybody's life but i'm not really doing good... For some odd, stupid, and all together senseless reason, i tend to keep on butting in somebody else's life... For those people, really, i don't intend to do it... i just do... i don't know why... maybe i want you to be a part of my sad life more than i want to be in yours... Sorry... ramch, jako... abdul, well, i always thought you allowed me to butt in to your life... i hope i never offended you...

Well, to end this entry, I'll include a picture (which has no relation, what-so-ever to my entry) of a stupidity my circle of friends here in TCQC did to a cleassmate who is celebrating his b-day... Of course, he was not there when we did it... He's name is Johnmerck Uy... HAPPY 17th (?) B-DAY MECK!!!

mom's b day!

it's my mom's b day today!!! Yun lang... :)

Killing Time

I'm getting pissed off with this blog! Or rather, i'm getting pissed off with myself. Why the hell, is it not showing my title... pwede ba? somebody teach me how to work with this fucking thing! All i can do is post and post and post which nobody reads naman! ano ba?!

Well, etoh ako sa pc shop, and well, as my title imply (which you cannot see DAMN IT!!!) i am killing time...

Well, i don't have acell and i don't have a social connection... it's hard for me because i brought myself up as a very attached-to-friend person and now that i decided to be my old self, i am having a hard time... Damn it!!!

I'm controlling myself not get so bored in our house not talking to anyone except my family... So what i do is study (daw, which i don't really) or rather red a novel (FOLLY) or write in my diary or journal... Oo nga pala... i decided to continue writing a journal... i almost occupied the whole lesson plan thing and i am assuming that i will completly write on the whole thing later for my last entry... And i will buy a new one tomorrow!!! WOHOO!

But i'm quite sad that no one gets to read it regularly. i guess i will oblige one of my classmates to do it... i'm thinking of James actually... since he is the first and only one who knows my darkest secret... and about the "m" thing... i think... how very unfortunate man, right?

Class again tomorrow and i hope that i get to continue being a mute, selfish and cares-about-no-one-but-himself me... Sorry guyz... It's just that i get tired of being so happy... It's weird but its true... I'm really sorry for those who will miss the clown me but i guess you won't see him for a long while...

that's it i think...

thanks for reading...

Trinity... LIVE!

Hi...

Well, this is the first time that I'm writing my blog directly at blogger... Usually i do this by typing it on Word then copy pasting it on blogger... So I think that explains the title...

Pre-Lims week had pass and I actually have some of my test results already. Well, I guess I could share them with you. Not really bad actually... Here they are:

Math: 50/50 (Woohoo!!!)
English: 48/55 (which is equivalent to 1.5... Damn!!!)
Filipino: 46/50 (Honestly, I expected higher!!! Aaaargghh!!!)
Sociology: 85% (only??!! really. I thought I did better than that! Waaahh!!!)

I'm a little emotional right now... (well, kailan ba hindi... haay...) I don't feel comfortable here at TCQC... It's like I don't belong. Just this very morning, I suddenly decided to be very silent. I hope my classmates will notice. Fuck them if they don't! Fuck them hard!!!

I don't know why I did that, really. I think I decided that I'm tired of being the class entertainer or clown or whatever. Basta... From now on, I will be the wild freshman who turned mute in TCQC. This is what I think I am anyway. So better live it up.

I hope my close friends (or the ones I assume are my close friends) will get to read this and start giving me attention because I am getting very annoyed! I am a man who hates to be insignificant!!! Or feeling insignificant for that matter. How could people be very insensitive!!! I hate them!!!

Well, I don't think there is any point on writing longer blog because people kept on saying my blog is too long. And for all i know, they just visit my blog to write stupid things on the damned Tag Board!!!

OK. That's it... Thank you for writing on the cursed, stupid, rotten and damned Tag Board!!!

SUICIDE!!!

Here's a picture of the teddy bear Ramch gave me last
Christmas. I named it Teddy Ramch. I thought of hangig
it one time when I got pissed off of him (you see, this is not the first time) but then we were ok again. But I loved the idea so I still hanged the poor teddy. It's quite cool actually... :)

WHATEVER! RIGHT!?!

Hello!

I just finished my breakfast and took my medicine.

I don’t feel very happy today. I was woken up by my mother shouting: “Moses! Natutulog tulog ka pa diyan! Anong oras na! Alam mong may iinumin ka pang gamut nakahilta ka pa din diyan! Ito naman! Kailangan pang gisingin! ‘Di niyo alam alagaan sarili niyo! Kabikabila na nagkakasakit. Angmahal magpagamot ngayon. Pano pa pagnagkasakit ka? PANO PA AKO!?!”

My eyes flew open at the “natutulog ka pa diyan” part. I know she’s right but does she really have to do all that shouting? My siblings often tell me: “’Di ka pa ba nasasanay diyan kay Mama? Ganyan talaga yan e…” Well, kahit kalian siguro ‘di na ako masasanay kasi kung masasanay ako eh di sana dati pa. Eh hindi eh… Hay nako…

Then while eating, she started talking again, saying: “Sabi ko sayo baunin mo yung gamut mo, hindi mo binaon. Pa’no masusunod yung dosage na 3 times a day. Kung di mo gagawin yun di tatalab yan.” I know it sounds good when you’re reading it. It sounds full of care and, maybe, love but when you here it too loud, all the love and the care are stripped off from it.

Then she saw my facial expression and again said (by said, I mean shouted): “Ikaw na nga ‘tong tinutulungan ikaw pa tong may ganang magalit. Sumisimasimangot ka pa diyan. PASASALAMAT KA NGA MAY NAGAALALA PA SA ‘YO EH!”
Again, she’s right… too right…

By the way, when she said “kabikabila na nagkakasakit” she is most probably referring to Uncle Roberto, who has cancer to god know where, Uncle Baby, who has a lot of illnesses (diabetes, kidney disorder, TB and lung disorder to name a few) and my niece, Nicole Chelsey or Chelsy Nicole (whatever!) who was recently discovered to have asthma.

I head my Aunt Mad (short for Madelyn) once say (this morning, I think) that “uso sa side ng Mama ninyo na magaksakit ng kung anu ano kaya magingat kayo.” Well for some odd reason I feel I’m safe from the hereditary illness thing. You know why. Well if you don’t, use some of your senses (common sense is most preferable).

But actually, those are not the things that I really want to pose today.

OK. Ramch won. Woohhoo… FUCK HIM!!! Most preferably at the back!!!

OK wait. I’m being carried away too early. Let me tell you about things. AT MY POINT OF VIEW so any reaction is not really needed here! Just read!

Ramch, one day, announced that he ran for batch rep of JPIA thing. So obviously, being his bestfriend (as I long been assuming), I’m happy for him. So, I told him all the encouragement and gave him all the support that I can give. I even told him something too self degrading that I now learned a lesson from: Do not degrade yourself to the benefit of other people. Well, I told him: “Kaya mo ‘yan! Kaw pa! Isipin mo na lang na magagawa mo ang ‘di ko nagawa…”

Although its sounds senseless to you, it means a lot to me. I’m a competitive type of person so it’s so hard to say something that generally implies defeat or at least something that implies inferiority. Well, he did no care.

But that’s not what I’m being angry about.

Yesterday, he had his miting de avance (is that how it is spelled? I don’t really care!) and they also had their election and also had their vote counting (is that the term? I don’t really care!).

OK. The bottom line is he won. But he told me that by making me feel stupid.

He texted me yesterday some thing like: “Francis tae talaga… tae!” so I replied “Ano ang tae?” of course thinking that he lost. The he replied: “wala… siguro masyado lang akong nageexpect…” and I said “ano? Natalo ka? Ano ba?” then he replied “kailangan ko pa bang sabihin yon”

And so with that, I summoned all sympathetic and empathic side of me that I can conjure (I’m trying hard to sound Harry Potterish). And for me, that is so hard. And stupid. So I texted him something like: “Ano? ok ka naman? Siyempre oo di ba? Di ka naman nagpapaapekto sa mga ganyan ganyan lang di ba?”

Then he replied: “[U]lol! Nanalo ako! Ikaw una ko binalitaan niyan. Nagsinungaling pa ako sa klasmeyt ko.”

I guess he thinks that I’m happy for what he did. Well, I was happy that he did that but the thing that he did make me feel stupid is overwhelming. But trying hard to control my emotion, I replied: “Talaga?! Saya ako para sa’yo! But you have no idea how stupid you made me feel. Pero ung filing na masaya ako para sayo ay mas nangingibabaw (or something like that).” Being said that, I thought I would already be all right. Actually I am going to be already if he did not reply this: “Alam ko! Ayaw ko kasi na nageexpect kayo eh”

Ok. So he had all the intention to make me feel stupid. Damn him!

Then I replied: “Ah… Kaya pinagmumukha mo kaming tanga… Congrats uli ha…”

Kung alam niya lang na kumukulo dugo sa MRT habang tine txt ko ‘yun sa kanya. Well, sabi ko dati pa, manhid siya eh... Akalain mo ba namana magreply pa ng: “Tama ‘yun! Salamat ha…”

Although I was so pissed off, I still had the sense to reply (NONSENSE!!!) “… … ok…”

Then that’s it…

I hope he had fun making me feel stupid…

PICS...

To accompany my first entry is a picture of me doing a sand print saying “Suzy (heart) Francis” at Boracay beach… The other one is an Adobe enhanced (or worsened) version… Thanks again for reading!

First Entry!!!

Hello!

Thanks for visiting and finding time to read my blog. I can’t really assure you that you’re going to enjoy this online journal of mine but I can tell you that it won’t be an ordinary one.

Ok, so this is my very first entry. You’re lucky (or unlucky? maybe…) that you’re one of the few people (about 697 entities – both normal and not… joke... the joke was the number of entities not the “normal and not” ok? So, where do you belong?) that had the unfortunate chance of reading my blog. You’re reading this blog either I told you to or somebody link this blog to somebody else’s and you mistakenly clicked it or you simply had nothing to do. In any case, thank you for reading it.

Just for the record, you will not read anything romantic or entries full of morals and lessons (which are the same) or something that you will learn anything from. This blog is all about me. All about my adventures and misadventures just like what the name of this blog implies. You won’t read “makabagbag damdaming” entries like that of my Besty, Ramch or of that of my Beshy, Abdul.

So, enough of too much inappropriate introductions. I know by now, your too bored to continue reading and waiting for something interesting. I’m sorry to disappoint you but I don’t have anything interesting to write. None yet, at least. But I will still continue to write as long as I am in the mood for typing.

OK, I’m writing this senseless entry while listening to Kelly Clarkson songs. She became quite a favorite of mine. She’s currently singing “Because You”… I can relate to almost every song that she have. Specially the song “where is your heart” which is playing right now. Here’s why:

I know that you're true to me

You're always thereYou say you care

I know that you wanna be mine

Where is your heart?

Cause I don't really feel youWhere is your heart?

What I really want is to believe you

Is it so hard to give me what I need?

I want your heart to bleedThat’s all I'm asking for

Hey I’m going to write something that I know I will later regret. Oh my God! So why the hell am I going to write it?!

Ok, I currently have a girlfriend. Her name is Suzy Christine Alba. She’s currently studying at La Salle while I’m at Trinity College. I knew I like her the moment I saw her. Well, I first (and last!) saw her at her former school St. Benedict/San Beda Alabang when I attended the YFC thing. One of my bestfriends, Abdul, studied there so he knew quite a lot of people and he, naturally, talked to them and I let myself be tagged along by him. So at one point, I saw Suzy.

She was (and I hope, still) beautiful. So after that YFC thing I asked Abdul for Suzy’s number. I did not have her number until after 3 months. Abdul only had her number after that long. I texted her the moment I had her number. She was currently attending her CAT grad at that time. So, something something then I told her I like her.

So, without seeing each other, I courted her and at one point he texted: “Luv ya dude”. I thought at that point that “kame na.” I thought that if two people exchange I love you’s to each other means they are boyfriends and girlfriends already. I was taught that that is not the case. Abdul and Ramch said by the way. So ok.

Then March 26, while exchanging sweet nothings to each other, she texted something like “mabait akong girlfriend eh” to me. Of course my reaction was “What the – ?! Talaga!?!” So March 26, a Black Saturday we are officially in a relationship.

And believe it or not, we never had seen each other since we first met. January 8 to July 17 is quite along time you know.

So what am I saying here? Nothing!

No, I mean, after 3 monthsaries passed, after all these time, we never tried to see each other. No, we tried but we never did actually see other. That’s all right with me but I just think that it’s not natural. Especially because she does not even demand that we see each other. Ok let me get it straight, she doesn’t seem to love me, I don’t feel any love in this thing we call relationship.

I tried to talk about it with her a couple of times (obviously through text) and asked her about what she thinks about what we have right now. Well, she said that she’s ok with it. What I’m saying is what kind of a lady would like a relationship like what we have. Honestly, if I’m a girl, I wouldn’t like a relationship like this. I would beak it up. That’s exactly what I want to do right now. I just feel, and I know, that it is not real. There is no love. If only I knew it would turn out as it turned out, I wouldn’t have tried to court her in the first place.

But who knows, maybe something good will come up out of this. I really hope something will… And I hope I can do something about this soon. I hope this will not come to the point that I will have to decide to break it up with her. Although I know I already have to, I don’t like to, really.

I mean, there are some relationships that started out pretty good and yet ended up quite bad. I don’t have to name people but they are the ones who once have relationships that I envy so much but now ended up quite sadly. It seems that the only thing that I can see positively in Suzy and my relationship is that there can’t be any worse than what we already have. Wala nang ilalala pa…

I think that’s it for now…

Thanks again for reading!